


crazy mind to clean

by angelblur



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/F, High School AU, M/M, Mentally Ill Character(s), stoner au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-04-04 18:48:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4148895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelblur/pseuds/angelblur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>red curls and dark eyes, swollen lips and shaky fingers. josh dun is fidgety, josh dun is quiet, josh dun is probably high. tyler joseph never wants to stop kissing him, never wants to stop inhaling smoke from his lips and touching his pale skin. </p><p>(or, the one where tyler's infatuated, josh's cute, brendon's loud, dallon's cool, andy's concerned, joe's reckless, debby's sleepy, jenna's annoyed, ryan's scared, and everyone's pretty in love.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. wanna go where everyone goes

**Author's Note:**

> my first chaptered fic!! will add more tags as the story goes on I'M HYPE FOR THIS ONE ok yes here we GO (-:
> 
> also yes its SUPPOSED to be lowercased to add to the calm & slow moving setting of the story!!!!!

if brendon urie's usually a happy kid, he's fucking euphoric when he's high. his eyes glimmer like billboards and he giggles with a voice of a siren luring someone to their death (who, if that were the case, would be dallon weekes. the dude's head over heels for him, which is difficult seeing as he's six feet tall).

but if someone really wanted to see the definition of beatific, they'd take the joint from brendon's lips and shove it straight into josh dun's trembling fingers. he's got this light and piercing laugh that makes people want to listen, eyelids that snap shut in a relaxed sort of dizziness, chapped lips that tighten around glass or paper or anything that'll hold a gram or two and shake like bird's feathers as he exhales smoke.

oh, yeah, josh's a gleeful stoner.

tyler doesn't smoke a lot, but maybe he'll reconsider. maybe he'll stay the sober kid, just so he can watch josh's face elapse into gleeful calmness. he's a touchy stoner, too; cuddling into tyler's lap, kissing his face over and over, tightening their fingers like maybe tyler's the only thing keeping josh tethered to earth in his sleepy, blissful state. maybe.

when josh isn't high, he's not exactly depressed or anything; he's just visibly more stressed, anxious, worried. he bites on pencils, bites on his fingernails, bites on his own lip just to feel the sensation of blood pooling on his chin.

he's so wound up, it's _scary _.__

but tyler lives for the way josh's eyes spark up when he pulls out a bowl, how he'll shimmy tighter in his (probably unwashed) hoodie and light the thing, how his eyes shut and every single concern he's ever had seems to slide from his mind and out into the smoke-filled air.

that's tyler's favorite pastime; whether it be at home after school or skipping gym under the bleachers or outside the dusty record store three blocks down from josh's house, tyler loves watching josh get high. really, he likes seeing josh happy, and this does just that.

"dude, fuck you." brendon's nasal snicker breaks tyler out of his musings, and he's brought back to now; he's on the roof of joe's apartment building, huddled in one of josh's muscle shirts and these really bogus leggings that were on sale at goodwill. his head rests on josh's lax shoulder as he watches brendon play-fight joe for the burning joint; if josh is a happy smoker, joe's the philosophical one and brendon reeks hyperactivity. well, he does that anyways, but weed seems to double that.

dallon leans against the air conditioning motor, lanky knees pulled up to his chest as he watches the two wrestle. next to him, andy's quietly texting someone while shooting the occasional worried glance up at the two. they're basically the moms of the group; not, like, the really pushy mom who goes through your phone or the one who makes your curfew six at night. they're like the moms who go to wine tastings every weekend and stumble home tipsy and bubbly, or the ones who buy you lucky charms if you ask really nicely, even if your dad already said no (if there was a dad, tyler'd hazard a guess at himself; he doesn't really care what they all do, as long as nobody's killing themselves and they're all eating and sleeping. sometimes tyler has to pry the drugs away from a few of them to accomplish that, but he still manages it).

"please don't fall off the roof," andy eventually squeaks, pushing his phone up against his lips in a concerned motion. he's the quietest out of all of them, but tyler's sure he'd start reciting shakespeare just to keep joe safe.

his posture slumps in relief as brendon begrudgingly passes the paper to joe; grinning and letting out a cheer, he balances the joint in between his chipped, crooked teeth and crawls over to andy. he sits up in between his scabbed knees, looking so innocently excited andy's face breaks out into an akin smile. "i got it, babe!" joe giggles, blowing a waft of smoke in his face and successfully fogging up his glasses. "i win!"

andy's a straightedge, meaning he doesn't do drugs at all, but he blows the fog back in joe's face like it's reflex. "congrats," he laughs, and brendon makes an annoyed grumble behind them as he drapes his back over the cement.

"joshie?" he whines, rotating his head to face josh; he looks up past messily dyed curls, eyelids drooping and face resting on tyler's drooping head.

"yea, beebo?" he asks lightly, and both of them break into wild laughter at the nickname.

"gimme...gimme your bowl," brendon eventually gasps, rolling over so his fingers are just out of reach of the toke. "c'mon, sweetie, i'm dying over here."

"mine," tyler abruptly pipes up, moving an arm around josh's waist and pulling him closer; his body aligns with tyler's perfectly, so he's curled slightly into his hold with a sleepy, lovesick grin.

brendon merely rolls his eyes, snatching air as he scrabbles his fingers around. "whatever, okay," he groans dramatically, making dallon have to cover his mouth to stop his laughter. "just pass me the thing."

josh meets his eyes for a moment, body shifting again so his face is pressed into tyler's neck; as he presses chaste kisses to the tanned, freckled skin wrapping around collarbones and jawlines, he giggles, "nope." he pops the _p _against tyler's cheek, and they both snicker as brendon gasps and staggers back.__

"after all i've _done _for you!" he shouts, hands going up and over his head as he falls onto his back, squinting as the sunlight hits his pupils. "god, i have shit friends. i'm just kidding, i love you. but you're shit."__

josh merely cackles in response, breath catching midway as tyler's fingers trace under his sweater; his palm runs over josh's ribs as josh continues kissing the side of his face, eventually deciding that his throat is the most in need of attention as he starts lightly sucking at the skin. almost minutely, tyler tilts his neck so josh has more room, knuckles lovingly rubbing against his sides as they press closer together. the early december wind blows through tyler's scruffy brunette hair and makes josh nuzzle closer, their legs intertwining as the smoke from josh's lungs billow from his lips and against tyler's skin; he moves his face around so their mouths meet, and their tongues align as the fog blows into tyler's lungs. no, he doesn't smoke, but josh's lips on his is the best high he thinks he'll ever have.

"christ, just _watching _you guys is making me horny." brendon breaks the peaceful silence with another groan, and he makes a few vague hand gestures at dallon; he's still sitting next to joe and andy, who're talking softly in their own little world. he snorts, tilting his chin up to gaze at brendon, and the look's so deep, so dark, brendon quickly stiffens. "don't look at me like that, dal."__

"mm." dallon doesn't move, just holds his gaze as tyler and josh's movements become more desperate. andy and joe watch bemusedly, admiring the calm, gay vibes everyone's emitting before going back to eskimo kissing and cuddling closer in andy's jacket, which he's conveniently enveloped joe into.

meanwhile, josh's ended up underneath tyler, lazily dragging his hands against the cold skin underneath his tank top as tyler bites his lips swollen. bowl falling from his fingers, josh hears brendon swipe it away distantly, as if he were underwater; he can't bring himself to care as the hand not propping tyler up starts running over josh's face, brushing tangles out of his eyes and hips pressing against josh's.

"baby," josh mumbles, fingers tightening against the back of tyler's neck. "s cold. let's go to b's room."

tyler let his lips linger for a moment, hands pointedly pressing against josh's hipbones before popping up and helping the other up. 'brendon, your stuff's still in the bedside table, right?' he calls, admiring the subtle way josh presses into him as they stand. 

"unless ryan's been sneaking into my room again, yes, you fucking weirdos." brendon takes a long hit, messing with dallon's shoelaces and blowing a wisp towards his raised-eyebrow smirk. "throw the sheets in the wash when you're done."

"what's the point?" joe calls from his secure position in andy's colorful arms. "you an' the big d are just gonna get 'em messy again, bren."

"shut up," brendon giggles, but josh and tyler soon are out of earshot; in fact, as soon as the roof door shuts, tyler grasps josh's waist and presses their bodies together, backing josh into the cement wall. making a surprised squeaking noise, josh scrabbles for leverage, barely clawing at tyler's shoulders before their hips are pressed tightly and josh's legs are hooking around his waist. tyler's fingertips dance over josh's jeans, brushing against his pale skin, and he shudders all over as he grips tyler's shirtfront; he's so _responsive _, every touch reverberating throughout his skin and out of his quivering lips.__

"god, ty, please." tyler's convinced the only thing that's kept josh from ripping off their clothes is the last fleeting bit of a high; even so, he continues merely trailing lips over his face and applying pressure everywhere except where josh needs it to be. "fuck me now, dude. dude, babe, fuck me now."

tyler snickers into his mouth, biting his already swollen bottom lip and tugging it down; josh cries out obscenely, leaning his hips into tyler and pressing the outline of his half-hard cock through his sweatpants into ty's thigh. "no," he whispers, and josh's moan of protest as his hand flutters over his hips is too good. "it's just a flight or two downstairs. c'mon, we'll get caught."

"don't care," josh whines, quivering as tyler's lips brush wetly against his adam's apple; even so, he drops to his feet as tyler drops him and practically sprints down the stairs. "c'mon, i'm gonna cum in, like, point zero one seconds."

"don't do that, sweetheart," tyler laughs lightheartedly, but there's something in his voice that makes josh's heart jump. "wait for me."

swallowing a beg or a moan or whatever's popping up in his throat, josh stops short and watches tyler walk the slowest he's ever moved down the stairs; when he finally arrives to where he is, josh grabs his wrist and drags him the rest of the way down. when they actually get to brendon's door, josh only manages to stumble in the doorway before tyler's on him again; he's biting darkly at his throat, eyes shut in bliss and hands somehow still guiding josh to the bedroom. josh's pupils turn opaque as he shakily stutters a mewl, tumbling rapidly into the room and falling onto the creaky mattress. he cranes his back and reaches out his arms pleadingly, face splotchy and slightly bloody lips parting in a silent gasp for touch. "please," he whimpers, fingers tightening around air, and that's all tyler needs; he falls into him, tugging on his pullover's hem and biting everywhere his mouth can reach.

as tyler tastes the smoke and the sweat and the want against josh's skin, he grins almost lazily as his hands snake to josh's jeans.

tyler doesn't smoke a lot, but if this is what being high feels like, well, he's _definitely _going to reconsider.__


	2. exchange smoke rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler just wants to know a smoking trick, ok? that's all. he does't mean to have josh whining & writhing underneath him & _so _totally scaring ryan ross, local hippie & pizza boy.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear theres an actual plot here im just establishing the characters a bit so we can see how dominative tyler is & how tuned into him josh is & just a hint of how GAY & FRIGHTENED ryan is ok
> 
> also HAHA GET IT I MAKE RYAN A PIZZA BOY BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A ~JOB~ NNN ICE

'you like, um...no, tyler, you'll swallow ash.'

josh bursts into giggles, legs kicking forwards & heels of his feet digging into the scratchy carpet; tyler pouts at him, crossing his arms over his knees & sticking out his tongue. 'you're supposed to be helping me, not mocking me,' he grumbles, holding the unlit end of the joint in between thin fingers & narrowing his eyes at josh. 'are you gonna tell me how to do the frickin' trick, or just laugh at me?'

cackling again, josh beams at tyler & wriggles over to him; he smacks a wet kiss onto his cheek & nabs the blunt with a snicker. he nestles in between tyler's thighs, pressing their foreheads together & squealing as tyler leans over & licks his bottom lip. 'stop seducing me,' he laughs, face turning a pleasant pink as he straightens upwards & raises the blunt upwards like a prize. '& it's called shotgunning, genius. it's super cool.'

tyler rolls his eyes, resting his hands on josh's waist through his thin t-shirt. smirking proudly at his small accomplishment, josh tucks a lock of bright red underneath the band of his baseball cap; then, to tyler's surprise, he flips the blunt around so the cherry's pointed towards his lips.

'open your mouth,' he says, almost distractedly, before carefully balancing the lit paper in between the tips of his fingers & placing it in between his pretty incisors. tyler hesitantly complies, setting his jaw firmly as he sarcastically sticks his tongue out; josh makes a face, causing tyler to chuckle & go back to pursing his lips.

slowly, josh exhales through the cherry; the smoke billows out quickly, so tyler leans forwards farther, taking in the hit & blissfully shutting his eyes. on the rare occasions he partakes in josh's recreational activities, he sure does have a hell of a time with it.

they go through this exchange a few more times, josh slowly blowing fog into tyler's mouth & tyler wantonly breathing it in; after a while, the bud tapers out, leaving a pile of ash & a tiny spark in josh's palm. he stares at it for a few minutes while tyler stares at josh, both equally fascinated in the subject of their gazes. eventually, josh's blown eyes tug up & lock with tyler's; he bites his already damaged bottom lip as tyler takes his hand up to his mouth & blows the ashes away, never breaking eye contact as josh's flushes red. he whimpers at the sensation of air against his skin, wasting no more time as he throws himself on top of tyler, crashing them both to the ground & resulting in a few carpet burns on tyler's elbows.

'gets me...t-turned on when you're eyes go all wide,' josh slurs softly, dragging the chapped vessel of his mouth across the expanse of tyler's throat. 'when you smoke with me, ty, it drives me insane.'

tyler starts cackling quietly, the effect of the drug swiftly kicking in as it turns into full-on laughter. josh joins in, resting his face in the crook of his neck as they snicker at nothing, & tyler's so in love as his fingers fly to the middle of josh's back & drum against his shifting muscles.

'hey, hey. ty. hey.' josh props himself up by shakey forearms as tyler runs his fingers under the fabric of his top, pressing a chaste kiss against tyler's mouth; unfortunately, that distracts from his unasked question as their lips part, josh spreading his legs slightly to press roughly against tyler. he gasps, pulling josh closer as he hooks his hips with his leg, softly grinding them together as the kiss becomes more desperate, more begging. 'tyler, 'm serious—ah, nng, _fuck _. god, okay, okay, k-keep going, _mm _.'____

'so talkative,' tyler notes quietly, moving a hand upward to throw josh's hat to the floor & tug on his curls; he moans outright at the feeling, grasping tyler's shoulders & clawing at his shirt sleeves as he licks the inside of tyler's mouth. 'weren't you gonna say something, baby?'

whining, josh somehow manages to sit up, rocking his hips into tyler & making them both pant. 'it was, it was, just...' he blinks, mind stuck between his erection pushed tightly against tyler's & the earth-shatteringly important thing he had to ask him. 'i'm hungry. is all.'

there's a beat of silence before tyler starts wildly laughing, quickly sitting & almost making josh slip; he catches him in time, however, instantly pressing swollen kisses all over his face as he grabs his thighs. 'you're so cute, josh, didja know? so fucking cute.'

'tyler,' josh whimpers, grabbing tyler's lean sides desperately. 'i'm serious. i want your dick, trust me, but i want food a b-bit more.'

'i don't...' tyler gets caught up in biting underneath josh's jawline, smirking at the high-pitched squeaks he lets out as he scrabbles at tyler's shirt. 'hm, i don't wanna leave. don't think i'm fit to drive, you know, drugs & all that.'

'god.' josh can't help but grind into his lap, gasping & stuttering on air. 'please, just, call a p-pizza or something, please. just, ok, _god _. changed my mind, want you more that food.'__

tyler chuckles, low & deep in his throat, & suddenly pounces on josh; a giggly squeak soon turns into a strangled moan as tyler's hand trails down his thigh & starts rubbing against him. 'but now _i'm _kinda hungry,' he pouts, trying not to grin as josh's breath hitches into something of a sob. 'maybe we should go out, or—'__

he's interrupted by josh's whining mouth on his, & tyler can't fight his smirk as he rolls his palm over josh's clothed cock & feels him shudder. 'p-please, no,' josh whimpers, bucking feebly into tyler's grasp. 'j-just need you, just want you, tyler, f-fuck.'

'...no.' just like that, tyler's standing, face flush & smirking like a motherfucker; josh whines, propping up & looking towards tyler with a shocked look. 'i'm gonna call pizza hut.'

'tyler!' josh gasps, immediately sitting up & letting his jaw drop as tyler turns promptly & walks away, giggling. 'baby! come back!'

giggling wildly, tyler sprints down the hall & nabs his cell phone from the table; josh pouts, looking down at his hard-on & back up at the doorway where tyler left. blushing slightly, he sits & lazily runs his palm over the bulge in his jeans, sighing as he relieves some of the unbearable pressure—

'don't touch yourself!' tyler's amused shouting comes from the next room, & josh whines in half-annoyance, half-frustration. glaring at the ceiling, he curses the second the munchies pounced on him & rendered him useless until his stomach gods are appeased with greasy, salty sacrifices. doesn't he have a school project on that? maybe. good thing he doesn't smoke in world history, or he'd be talking about how hercules was a crackhead in great detail. wait, what was he thinking about again?

oh, yeah, his prick.

it feels like a forever of his dick pressed against his zipper & the awkward shifting around he does to get friction on the floor before he hears the door chime; almost falling & cracking his head open, josh runs to the living room, where he sees tyler & that sophomore pizza boy ryan chatting animatedly. he doesn't talk to the kid much, just knows he & brendon are friends & he wears _way _too much tie-dye, so he feels vaguely guilty as he yanks the pizza from him & slams the door. he feels less so, however, when tyler throws the pizza on the counter & pushes josh against the door, pulling his bottom lip down with his teeth & grinning big at the tiny bursts of whimpers josh lets out.__

'you're still hard?' tyler mumbles, & the way he gets all giggly as josh nods indicates he's still a little stoned. 'nice. nice, joshie. so pretty.'

josh moans softly into tyler's mouth, letting tyler take his thighs in his hands & wrap his legs around his waist; as he presses against him, the sudden friction against josh makes him gasp & crane his neck back so he can actually breathe. 'c-can we, like, fuck now?' he whimpers, desperately biting tyler's bottom lip & tracing shaky fingers down his sides. 'pizza later.'

giggling teasingly, tyler sits up & drags josh with him. 'nah,' he smiles, & josh's can't even be mad at the boy with those crooked teeth & red-tinted eyes & so much love in his face. 'pizza now. i'm hungry, too.'

'...'kay.' it's that easy to get josh to do something; if tyler or weed's involved, he might shoot himself in the foot if he's asked. maybe.

but, as he burrows into tyler's lap as they share a fork to pick apart the pizza—tyler always eats pizza with utensils. josh doesn't ask, tyler never tells, & they live in peace—& focuses intently on the alien movie playing from tyler's mom's crappy, cracked television, he kinda forgets about his boner & focuses on the steady beating of tyler's heart & they way his lips taste like pepperoni & the extra joint they had lit after ryan left when they press against his.

(of course, josh later bitches to tyler enough that he blows him on the couch while reruns of late night with jimmy fallon play, & his dick _totally _smells like cinnamon sticks later, but, hey, it's the thought that counts, right? even if you're stoned & horny out of your mind. it still fuckin' counts—josh dun'll tell you that, high or not. tyler always counts.)__


	3. mean something to me again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh has a nightmare, but tyler's the one who's really scared.  
> (so is debby, kinda, but for different reasons. reasons involving jenna black & owl city.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~angst~  
>  **TW: panic attack, self-harm!!** stay safe kiddos dad ross loves u

josh is sprinting from the fear, faster than he ever has. his lungs are collapsing, his legs are shattering, there is no escape for the hunted. there is so much red, so much, & tyler is nowhere, _nowhere _. josh is crashing to the ground, he's screaming for the evil to go away, for someone to save him, to save tyler, _tyler _—____

't-tyler.' josh jolts in his sleep, stirring tyler awake & rolling over, rubbing his eyes & trying to focus on the noise. 'save me...get away, help, _help _, tyler!'__

blinking the sleep away frantically, tyler sits up & nudges josh's back. 'josh,' he stage-whispers in a halfassed attempt not to wake up joe, who's passed out in the sleeping bag next to them. a whole group of them crashed at jenna's house last night, watching movies & smoking & being generally stupid; tyler's a little mixed-up from waking somewhere he doesn't immediately recognize, but josh is always his first priority. 'joshie, baby, wake up.'

twitching, josh turns & tyler notices the hot tears streaming past his closed eyelids. 'bad, bad, g-get away,' he mumbles, legs kicking the blankets above him until he's hopelessly tangled. 'n-no, stop, save me. save me, stop, tyler, tyler!'

'josh!' tyler stoops down & shakes josh's shoulders desperately until his eyes shoot open; a moment of silence passes before josh starts to shake again, body quivering as he shrinks away & balls up into himself. tyler falls onto his forearms, trying to get josh to relax. 'baby, hey, just a nightmare.'

'they're gonna get me, get you, can't breathe, can't breathe,' josh trembles, shoving his face into his arms. 'tyler, save me, i can't fucking breathe, get away, _get away _!'__

tyler hesitates a moment, then gets out of his sleeping bag & shuffles into josh's; he pulls back, sobbing into his hands as he quivers. slowly, tyler takes josh's palms away & rubs under his eyes, fingertips lightly pressing against damp eyelashes & causing josh to flutter them open again. 'i need you to breathe for me,' tyler dictates, wiping off the continuous tears. 'you're going to suffocate, josh, please breathe.'

tremors running through his body, josh whimpers slightly in the back of his throat before shoving his wet face into tyler's bare shoulder, tyler's arms comfortingly tightening around his waist. 'you're ok,' he continues softly, running gentle, skeletal fingers down josh's spine. 'you're ok, josh, just breathe.'

complying, josh inhales shudderingly into tyler's skin, lips trembling as he gasps & struggles not to cry. 't-ty, tyler, i-i...' he swallows, forcing more air into his windpipe as tyler kisses the top of his head, holding him loosely as he calms down. after a few minutes of hushed reassurances & shaky breaths, josh pulls back & softly pecks tyler.

'i...thank you,' he sniffs, wiping his eyes again & groggily sitting up; tyler sits with him, almost automatically taking a loose hair tie off the floor & cinching some of josh's curls on the nape of his neck.

'no sweat, j,' he shrugs, pecking josh's cheek as he stands & holds out his gentle hands, twirling his fingers. 'you wanna talk about it?'

shaking his head, josh gingerly takes his tyler's fingers in his & stumbles up; he staggers as he stands, leaning into tyler for support as he steers them into the kitchen.

as tyler rummages around for something in the fridge, josh perches on the counter & hisses as the cold tile hits his thighs. swinging around, tyler shoves a glass of water in his hands, kissing his neck lightly.

'you're throat always hurts after the dreams,' he hums, & josh questions no further as he downs the whole thing.

as tyler takes it & tosses it in the sink, josh breaks the silence with a crack in voice:

'let me see your wrists.'

tyler's shoulders stiffen. he faces the sink frigidly, every muscle tensing as josh slides off the counter & wraps pale arms around his waist. 'don't change the subject,' his voice falters, but josh's gentle palms on his knuckles reassure him; sighing, he unattaches his underarms from his chest & tremblingly holds them up.

he feels josh's heart speed, then lips hard & fast on his shoulder as he runs fingers over his fresh cuts. 'tyler, ty, tyler,' he whispers brokenly, turning tyler around to press them against his lips.

'we...we were talking about _you _,' tyler mumbles, feebly trying to yank his arm away & failing. 'not me. you.'__

josh laughs shortly, looking up at tyler's terrified face with watery eyes. 'my dream was about this,' he whispers absently, pulling tyler's arm back slightly as if analyzing the marks. 'something was chasing me, something red & harsh & scary. it was this.'

'stop.' tyler stumbles back, lower back pressing against the sink as he clutches his arms close to his chest; his armor, his weaponry, his safety. 'stop it right now, josh.'

taking a careful step forwards, josh stands on his tip-toes to meet tyler's eyes & hold his hands tightly. 'i'm scared,' he speaks, more sober than tyler's ever seen him. 'i'm scared, because you act like everything's ok when it isn't. because you think i don't know when the bad things come back, but i do. because you're not stopping, & i'm just now starting.'

'josh, shut up,' tyler hisses, clenching to josh's fingers like they're all he has. 'stop talking, please.'

josh's lips part as if to say something else, but he's interrupted by loud giggling & a crash behind him. swiveling around, he sees jenna lying on the floor surrounded by pots & pans, & debby on the counter with her knees pulled to her chest as she cackles. 'i fell!' jenna cheerily announces, trying to wriggle her way out from under a baking sheet. 'my phone went off, & debby got hungry, &, well, here we are! debby, change it, i hate this song.'

yawning, debby obediently reaches down & plucks the phone from jenna's struggling form; tapping the screen a few times, her sleepy eyes light up as some electro-pop plays. 'owl city!' she cheers hoarsely, bobbing her head to the music. 'or the postal service, i can't tell.'

being momentarily distracted by the outburst, josh loosens his touch enough for tyler to wriggle away & sprint off. 'ty—' josh starts, but a door slams somewhere to cut him off. he sighs, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes & trying not to cry again.

when he looks up, debby & jenna are looking at him worriedly from the floor. agonizingly slowly, debby reaches over & pauses the song. 'bad time?' she asks softly, & josh chuckles sadly.

'yeah, deb, bad time.' & he stalks off, swerving to avoid tripping over a pan & walking out the door.

he sits on the porch for a long time, watching the sun rise over the trees in the distant woods & trying to regulate his still jagged breathing. he knows it's getting bad again, in the spaces in tyler's head & heart josh can't fill, & it _hurts _feeling so helpless. he wants to wash the blood & guilt from tyler's arms, wants to clear his mind of the darkness & fill this gaunt, sad boy with light. __

someone sits next to him after a while, & josh doesn't even have to look up as he leans into tyler. he drapes an arm over his shoulder; a long-sleeved arm, josh notes. he says nothing about it.

'hey.' tyler breaks the silence delicately, & josh giggles a bit at his bluntness; he turns into him, straightening & kissing his jawline.

'hey yourself,' he hums, & tyler dips his chin to kiss him on the mouth. as chapped lips meet trembling, the forced, stuttered discussion they attempted to have in the kitchen no longer needs to happen. josh's calloused fingers brush against the back of tyler's neck, & tyler's arms wrap around josh's waist & pull him closer, & no words are needed anymore. they're never really needed when they're kissing & touching. kissing forgives. touching forgets.

tugging back slightly, tyler rests his forehead on josh's & beams. 'brendon's driving us to waffle house soon,' he comments, brushing a loose lock of hair out of josh's eyes & tucking it back into the bun. 'you get back seat with me.'

'yeah?' josh asks, resting both palms flat on the top of tyler's spine & drumming his fingertips against him. 'which one, middle back or very back?'

slipping timid hands under josh's shirt & resting warm palms on his hips, tyler mumbles, 'very back,' & pecks his lips again. kissing sleepily, josh trails his lips down tyler's face & rests his head in the crook of his neck.

the cool columbus wind hits their bare feet, & tyler crookedly smiles as josh begins to softly hum & trace shapes on his throat lovingly.

they're still scared, tyler's still empty, & josh still shakes, but in each other's arms, that doesn't matter.

they're not ok, but in each other's arms, they feel like maybe they will be.


	4. testosterone boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh's head is loud. the medicine makes his head quiet. he doesn't like taking the medicine. 
> 
> (or, the one where tyler jacks josh off in the school parking lot & joe trohman is _still_ getting on people's nerves.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY SOME ACTUAL X-RATED CONTENT!!!!! josh only lasts like three seconds though so?? yep also taco bell because its not a tøp fic WITHOUT it

'midterms can bite my goddamn _ass_!'

rolling his eyes, joe kicks brendon's shin under the table, making him stumble & trip onto the floor. josh can't bite back his laugh as he straightens, narrowing his eyes. 

'so can you, pretty boy,' brendon snarls, hoisting himself back up & awkwardly stacking his misconstrued papers. 'sorry my complaining is _bothering_ you.' 

resting his face into his arms, josh lets his playful smile fade as he closes his eyes; he's just so, so tired of all this. of waking up & falling asleep as soon as he stands up, of listening to brendon whine & joe call him out day after fucking day, of feeling so alone in a room of twenty-four. his thoughts are crushing him, & he really wants a smoke right now but he's been out for a week, & he feels like he's suffocating & it's too much at once—

someone's thin & cool fingers are on his hot neck, & they curl to dip into his locks & wrap the frizzy red in between their fingers. 

tyler. 

'i can hear you thinking from across the table, dogbreath,' he teases lightly, crossing ankles with him & scratching his scalp gently.

josh hums, nuzzling into the touch as he props his chin up on his arms & smiles at tyler, bright & sad & real. 'sorry, ty,' he mumbles, resting the side of his head against tyler's arm. 'not holding up so well.'

sighing, tyler reaches over & rests his lips on josh's forehead. 'you wanna step out?' he questions gently, hand flicking from the nape of josh's neck to his lips, pressing on his bottom with a look.

'mm.' josh blinks, almost sleepily, before nodding & quickly standing; tyler notices him lick his bottom lip where tyler's hand had been. he files that away for later. 

after a few botched excuses thrown at the teacher, josh almost desperately grabs tyler's wrist & tumbles down the hall. after turning a few corners, he stops tyler at the lockers & presses their lips together; it quickly escalates to needy & wanton open mouths, josh seeking release from the overbearing thoughts clouding his head in tyler's lips. 

however, tyler tugs away, resting his small hands on josh's flush face. 'did you take your meds this morning?' he asks, out of breath; josh groans, shoving his face into tyler's neck & tapping his fingers against his waist. 

'nuh-uh,' he mumbles, & he stiffens as he hears tyler sigh. 'cause i wasn't hungry. i have to eat something when i take my pills, & i wasn't hungry, so i didn't.'

'josh.' tyler pulls josh away to look him in the eye, & josh scrabbles at his shoulders, whimpering. 'you know you get like this when you don't take the medicine. you get all buggy & anxious, baby, c'mon.'

biting his bottom lip, josh's grip tightens as his legs cross & uncross continuously. 'i'm sorry, ok?' he hisses, suddenly looking a lot more high-strung. 'i'm sorry i don't like feeling like a goddamn corpse when i'm on those things. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry—'

tyler quickly silences him with a hand on his mouth, eyes narrowing but still looking empathetic. 'sh.' his voice is too deep, too calm. josh swallows. 'brendon lent me some shit a while back. do you want that, kitten?'

taking a shaky breath, josh nods furiously, gaze never faltering from tyler's as his hand drops & takes his tightly. slowly, tyler leads josh down the hallway & rubs circles into his knuckles; at his locker, he stills josh's incessant foot tapping with a look & fishes out a small baggie from the metal. 

in a matter of minutes, they're in the back of the school, josh's fingers quivering like a doe's legs as he lights his pipe, striking the lighter once, twice, three times, like always. tyler watches intently as josh's eyes shut, bitten raw lips parting & exhaling smoke as his previously tense shoulders loosen & he leans against the building as he sinks to the gravel. 

'you can't keep doing this, you know,' tyler points out, sitting with him & petting his hair as josh nestles his face securely into tyler's neck. 'you have to take them, josh.'

a tiny giggle erupts from tyler's sleeve, & he hates himself for smiling affectionately as josh blows a bout of smoke into the air & locks their legs together. 'i know,' he laughs lightly, pressing messy, sloppy kisses all over tyler's basketball hoodie. 'i know, ty-guy. but they make me feel icky.'

sighing, tyler moves a hand back up into josh's hair; stilling, josh rests into his hold, smoke falling from his lips unceremoniously as tyler caresses his hair, working effectively as a distraction. 'that means it's working,' he comments softly, rolling a thumb over the tiny tuft of brunnette hair josh always forgets to dye at the base of his scalp. 'you won't get better if you don't take the medicine.'

josh's foot starts absently tapping, & his hands rub up & down his thigh; tyler knows talking about josh's anxiety makes him jumpy, but it's important that he listens. 'y-yeah, yeah,' he gulps, trying to hide his face into tyler's jacket. 'maybe, maybe i'm not bad though, right? like, maybe everyone thinks i'm bad because my head does weird shit sometimes, but i'm not bad. maybe i don't needa be fixed, maybe i'm not broken. i don't wanna be broken, ty.'

pulling back immediately, tyler takes josh's face in his hand. 'you're not broken, josh,' he says calmly, & when josh tries to look away, his grip tightens. 'there are some pieces inside you that are, but you aren't. not as a whole, never as a whole.'

josh's fingers quiver as they grab onto tyler's wrist, & he looks so scared & desperate tyler gives in & lets him kiss him; he almost gasps in relief, hands falling to tug at tyler's hoodie strings as their lips tear into each other. pipe forgotten, josh falls into tyler's lap & pants as he drags his lips all over his face, sucking on his jaw & dippin to his collarbone. he bites blossoming purple splotches onto the skin & listens to josh moan softly, shaky fingers tightening on his collar as his lips slow to gentle nipping. 

'tyler. tyler. tyler.' he mumbles it like a mantra, tilting his neck back & easing forward a bit until he's leaning in between tyler's legs; tyler peers up at him, moving up until he's biting at his neck again. 

'we should go back to class,' tyler hums, fingers dancing over josh's thighs to stop his shaking as his teeth dip to josh's shoulder. josh lets out a dry sob, hands moving back to tyler's neck. 

'not again, please,' he whispers hoarsely, breath hitching as tyler's palms caress the inside of his thighs while his tongue swirls over his shoulder. 'need you to do something this time, i _need_ , fuck. i need you, tyler.'

kissing back up to josh's quivering lips, tyler laughs shortly, 'what, you want me to just jam my hand down your pants in the school's back parking lot?' he bites josh's bottom lip, hard, & josh moans in surprise as tyler's tongue laps over him. 

'w-well, uh. yeah,' he stammers, absently bucking into tyler. 'oh, g-god, please. d-don't say it's just because of me freaking out, i know i should just take the pills next t-time, i know. just...please.'

as if thinking, tyler rests his hands on the small of josh's back & keeps kissing him; suddenly, one slips in between them, under josh's jeans & palming his cock, & he whimpers into tyler's mouth. jolting against him, josh lets his face fall into tyler's shoulder as he shakes, needily mouthing tyler's neck as he starts to pump him jaggedly. he's already fully hard, the anxiety from earlier pooling into his dick, apparently; he whines against tyler's skin, gasping & jutting into his hand. 

'gonna cum,' he mumbles, & tyler's hand on his hip tightens as he giggles. 

'already, kitten?' he grins, flicking his wrist & making josh tremble, scratching tyler's shoulders desperately. 'before i even take your jeans off? alright, let's go, joshie, cum in your pants for me.'

that's it—josh whines into his skin, body stuttering as he loses it over tyler's fingers. he must've been hard all period to go that quickly, but tyler doesn't say anything about it; breathing hard, he leans into him & grips his slim waist, chest jaggedly rising as tyler awkwardly tries to rub the cum off of his hand while simultaneously tugging up josh's jeans. 

eventually, he pulls them both up, smiling as josh sleepily leans into him. 'better?' he asks softly, threading his fingers tightly in josh's, & josh nods, smiling into his arm as he swings their limbs back & forth. 

'do you, um,' josh starts, stopping them both from moving any further & timidly looking up at tyler, chewing his bottom lip precariously hard. 'do you think we could skip? there's only three periods left anyways.'

caressing josh's hair & combing some behind his ear, tyler thinks for a moment. '...sure,' he shrugs, & as soon as it's out of his mouth, josh's giggling & tugging him to his car. 

'c'mon,' he grins, 'i gotta raise the other day, at that lame ass record shop that guy named pete owns? well, he gave me a raise, & i wanna buy taco bell, so we're going to taco bell.'

'taco bell?' tyler snorts, ignoring josh's almost horrified gasp as he jumps in the passenger seat. 'we go there too often. your insides are gonna rot up or somethin'.'

whacking his shoulder, josh snickers & rapidly pulls out of the parking lot. before he can come up with an undoubtedly witty comeback, tyler silently takes the hand not on the wheel in his & presses it to his lips. josh falls into a comfortable quiet; no bouncing feelt, no rapid talking, no anxious, stuttering apologies over nothing. just quiet, & driving, & tyler. 

tyler's gonna get mad at him later for the pills, & might cry, & might threaten to throw out his drugs. he might start yelling, or get even angrier, or walk out, because josh is irresponsible with himself. but there isn't a later right now. just quiet, driving, tyler. 

the effect of the hit wearing off, josh can feel the thoughts creeping in the back of his brain; thoughts about tyler & the big bad cuts, thoughts about school & the failing term grades, thoughts about himself & how hopeless he is, how stupid & fragile & tilting towards the edge he's becoming. but the air through the cracked open window blows through his hair, & they hit a pothole & jiggle the car a bit, & tyler tightens his grip & smiles that crooked, eye-squinting, utterly happy smile at him, & josh forgets about the bad thoughts. he blocks them out with the good ones. 

quiet. driving. 

tyler.


	5. pardon (interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> intermission. break. pause. time. breathe, one two three in, one two three out. intermission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sunburnt & im typing this at the pool LETS GO SUMMER ASSTHETIC

pale hands. shaky breaths. blinking eyes. smiling. face in neck. smoke in mouth. arms on waist. legs intertwined. kissing. kissing. kissing. 

tan fingers. happy sighs. fluttering eyelids. grinning. face in hair. smoke in mouth. arms on shoulders. legs intertwined. kissing. kissing. kissing. 

two baja blast cups on the floor. bags littering the carpet. windows closed. a/c on, low. one am. naked. unshowered, two days. skipped school, two days. touching, two days. fucking, two days. left the house, twice. got drunk, three times. got high, stopped counting. 

anxiety meds taken. razors hidden away. no breakdowns. no cutting. 

kissing, kissing, kissing. 

'you should fuck me.'

'yeah, i should.'

hands touching, dipping, caressing, coaxing, rubbing, scratching, tapping, petting, holding. mouths pressing, biting, licking, nipping, sucking, kissing, diving, opening, closing. voices gasping, panting, moaning, giggling, begging, whispering, shouting, screaming, whimpering. 

cumming. hard. 

beaming. laughing. kissing, kissing, kissing. fingers lacing together, breath slowing, heart rate calming. 

'i love you. like, a lot, tyler.'

a laugh, a peck, a content warble. 

'you big loser. i love you, too.'

a giggle. a nod in agreement, eyes falling shut. 

three am. 

josh. tyler. 

sleep.


	6. comfort in the bottom of a swimming pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it turns out that ryan ross knows lot more about things than pizza & indie music. he knows brendon, & love, &, apparently, tyler & josh. 
> 
> also, brendon & joe _really_ need to get filters. seriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took me so long aaah but its LONG & GAY TO MAKE UP FOR IT

'dal, hey, dal! dallon, hey, babes, dallon, hey, watch me!'

smiling apologetically at josh, dallon swivels slowly around in the calm water & gives brendon a look. 'i'm talking to josh, bren,' he starts, but falters as he notices brendon's stellar grin as he bounces on the end of the diving board. 

'look!' suddenly, brendon's flipping off the board & into the water; dallon hurriedly swims over & props him out of the pool, where he's sputtering & laughing. 'that was so _fucking_ cool!'

as dallon chews brendon out for being dumb & almost cracking his head open while jenna laughs as brendon squirms away, josh swims over to the opposite end of the pool, where tyler sits with his feet in the water. josh rests his forearms on his legs, frowning as tyler pulls his sleeves lower. 'aren't you gonna get in?' he asks, pouting slightly & resting his chin on his thighs. 

'i...' tyler feebly shrugs in response, reaching a hand out to brush josh's soaking hair behind his ears. 'i don't think so.'

josh stays silent as the radio flickers to another song, & tyler half-hums, half-sings as josh presses his face deeper into tyler's legs, messing with a loose thread on his jacket. he mumbles along, & josh peers up at him to watch bubblegum pink lips mouth the words like it's the most glorious motion he's ever seen. 

absently, josh pulls on the hem of his sleeve, & tyler stills. 'nobody's gonna say anything, you know?' josh sighs, pressing a kiss to the first sliver of red he sees. 'nobody can see, anyways, it's too dark. please? you're the whole reason i bothered to come. '

tyler's eyes go to josh's, & they have a silent conversation for a few fleeting moments before tyler shakes him off & stands. josh cheers, hands going over his head as tyler rolls his eyes & shucks his sweatshirt, then promptly jumps in next to josh. he squeaks, trying to paddle away & giggling wildly as tyler grabs his shoulders & pulls him back. josh turns around quickly & kisses him, hard, & tyler recuperates with a tiny laugh & bumping their knees together under the water. 

'you look good, josh,' tyler laughs slightly, pulling back & flicking dripping curls from his face. 'really good. _really_ good.'

josh bites his bottom lip as he snickers, boosting himself up & out of the water so he's perched on the ledge of the pool where tyler previously sat. he's drenched, swim trunks heavy with water & revealing the pale skin of his hips & tiny brunette curls & oh, god, tyler's gonna die. 'thanks,' josh smiles, playful yet genuine, & laughs again as joe throws two towels at him. 'what're these for, jtroh?'

'debby made food!' he cheers, almost slipping over the puddles josh created & stumbling into andy's conveniently placed arms. 'c'mon, before brendon eats it all!'

a distant snort of laughter sounds behind him, & andy's dragging him off as brendon yells indignantly, 'i will _not_!' tyler shoves the side of his face against josh's freezing thighs  & bursts into cackles as joe & brendon mock-fight each other over to the grill. 

when the noise fades into the distance, tyler rests the palms of his hands on the cement & props himself up to kiss josh. grinning into the gesture, josh laughs as tyler slips his tongue in between his lips, & they fall quiet as they lose themselves in each other's mouths. tyler's hands slide slightly on the water, but he makes up for it by sliding his lips over josh's chest & down to his thighs. before he can get anymore than a few rapid fire kisses in, joe's yanking josh up by the shoulders. 

'no cum in the pool, dallon's rules!' he caws, laughing like a maniac as josh shoves him to the side, stooping down to help tyler out. he staggers for a second but josh sufficiently holds him still, sticking a tongue at joe who sprints away, giggling. 

'yeah, _josh_.' tyler nudges josh with his hip slightly,  & instead of shoving back like tyler's sure he'd love to, josh tightens their hands, swinging their limbs slightly as tyler tries not to slip over the puddles left in the crevices of tile surrounding the pool. he's so caught up in the act, however, it takes him a minute to look up & notice josh staring shyly at the ground, grinning & eyes glimmering for no real reason. 'you're so beautiful.' 

'what's that mean?' tyler teases, guts twisting with something close to adoration while the tip of josh's tongue slips out between his teeth as he laughs timidly. 'you're not even looking at me.'

'it's still true.' he stumbles on his words for a second, looking around as if the sentence is lurking somewhere in the night air. 'water is wet, the sun is hot, & tyler joseph is beautiful.' 

halting his walk, tyler's face flushes involuntarily as josh reaches out & carefully wipes a drop of chlorine-laced moisture from his cheek. 'thanks,' he says lightly, voice cracking with probably too much love than he intends; nothing's a mistake about the way he leans over & encaptures josh's already parting lips with his, however. 

they almost trip again, but tyler securely holds josh to him as they somehow stumble up against the fence. the woods are right outside brendon's house, meaning branches are reaching out & brushing their shoulders to litter their wet skin with leaves; but josh's so far gone in tyler's mouth & tyler pressing against him so hard all he can focus on is josh josh josh, they don't mind.

pulling back just a bit, so their foreheads rest together, tyler grins, 'i smell s'mores.' his fingertips hot on the wet of josh's spine, he rests his face in his sopping hair as the other wraps arms around his waist; they press tiredly together, sleepy, exhausted. they find refuge in each other. 

after a fleeting moment of contact, tyler steps back & quietly starts to dry josh off. he starts with his hair, rubbing it almost ferociously against his head & biting the inside of his cheek to hide a giggle as josh purrs into the touch at the back of his scalp; then, his torso, coaxing the cloth down the expanse of his skin & making sure to place a few quick, rough kisses to his stomach before josh gets blushy & shoves him away; then his legs, for some _strange_ reason going slower around his thighs, but easing up as josh bats away the towel. 

'i could've done that myself,' he breathlessly laughs, but the flush in his cheeks & the cheery smile in the corner of his mouth suggests he didn't have a big of a problem with it as he lets on. throwing the towel over his cold shoulder, tyler clasps his hand tightly in his as they finally arrive at the patio. brendon, debby, & joe sit cross-legged on the damp cement, apparently taking shots of melted chocolate from solo cups & laughing as the others spill some on their faces, inevitably licking it off. jenna hovers at the grill, shooting one-liners back at andy each time she flips a burger & pretending she isn't intrigued by his obviously intense vegan argument. dallon perches on a crappy fold out chair near the three on the floor, taking sips from a beer & making sure nobody's too drunk or too hapless in their compromised positions. surprisingly, ryan's here, too; he looks a bit nervous, awkward, out of place. but suddenly, dallon calls him over, & he's sitting on the chair next to him, laughing hoarsely & almost inaudibly whenever somebody messes up on the shots. 

'tyler! josh!' still damp body covered in an oversized t-shirt, jenna marches over & shoves plates in both of their hands. 'here i am, _slaving_ over a hot stove,  & you two've probably been getting busy.'

making a slightly embarrassed noise, josh pokes his tongue out at her & takes a bite of the food he's presented. 'for your information,' he mutters after swallowing, slightly tugging on his hair, 'we've been keeping it pg-rated all night.'

'what was about t' go on in the pool wasn't pg!' joe slurs from the floor, piercingly giggling as debby takes a swoop of chocolate & smears it on his cheek. rolling his eyes, tyler mock-glares at jenna & guides josh by the elbow to the two other fold-outs next to ryan & dallon. sitting in the middle, tyler notices ryan's sharp eyes on his profile; as soon as he turns & acknowledges him, his face flushes & his gaze falls back to the ground. 

'i don't think we've properly met?' tyler starts, trying to get ryan to look back up as he dries off his hair. 'i'm tyler. we might have geography together, but i'm not sure.'

chin tilting up to look at tyler, ryan rests his pale bottom lip in between his teeth & sits up a little straighter. 'i'm ryan,' he says gently, even his words sounding fragile as glass. 'you made out on my pizza.'

a loud gasp of laughter sounds from three on the floor, & brendon collapses into a seizing, giggling mess. tyler flushes red & josh clears his throat awkwardly, staring down at his burger like the secret of the universe lies within the toasted bread. 'sorry if we startled you,' tyler quickly breaks the silence, hardly resisting the urge to punt brendon's chuckling frame across the yard. 'we were, um, a little distracted.'

'it's fine,' ryan quickly shakes his head, skinny fingers twisting into his palms as he looks off into the horizon. tyler can't help but notice how gone his eyes are, how truly absent he is from this realm, this plane of existence. where is he? where does he disappear to? 'i just wanted to tell you how i already know you. quite well, in fact.'

as brendon bursts into another fit & tyler gives in to socking him in the shoulder, jenna's suddenly shooing people away from the center of the gazebo. flickering a lighter in her hands & darting it near joe's face to make him shriek & scamper away, not unlike a swamp monster, she flips open the firepit nobody really seemed to notice & lights a spark in the middle; the flame that erupts scares joe back further, but eventually eases into a smaller burning. 

locating the backpack tyler had brought along just in case, he tosses josh a sweatshirt & wriggles himself into the jacket he got at a death cab for cutie concert. it makes him look an uncomfortable mix of health goth & midwest emo, seeing as he's too darkskinned to be on an adidas blog (thanks, tumblr, for alienating yet another group of people from your weird reblogging system of acceptance) but too varied in music taste to be invested in math rock culture; so he settles for what andy sarcastically dubs _the pete wentz aesthetic_. he's a kid in tyler's homeroom who has dyed pink hair but dark eyeliner, wears patched jackets but skinny jeans,  & listens to morrissey but starts belting out a$ap rocky at any given moment. secretly, tyler's proud to be labeled anything close to that kid. he's super cool. 

looking over to josh to see how he's managed, tyler can't fight the adoring, face-splitting grin that falls onto his face. the only clean sweater tyler managed to locate in josh's whirlwind mess of a closet was something he'd bought online last halloween in a drunken purchasing fit; a black pullover with capitalized white letters shouting _boo!_ at you from a layer of sewn black material. he'd ordered it two sizes too big,  & even a year later it's slipping off one shoulder & going down to midthigh. he's, as a nervous tic, tied his now tangly, still-drying hair back to a bun & is rubbing his cold face with the overlapping sleeves of the sweater. as an almost instinctual reflex, tyler takes the sides of josh's head in his hands & kisses lightly over his face; josh giggles softly, moving his torso so he's resting his head into his shoulder. 'you're warm,' he notes, & tyler runs calloused fingers down the top of his spine as he hums in acknowledgement. 

'i have sticks!' jenna crows, jabbing the two apart with the soft end of a metal poker & cackling as josh rubs his sleepy eyes at the contact. 'it's only eleven, little boy. you ready for your nap already?'

'bite me,' josh snarls back, but his smile indicates he could never be hurtful to jenna. gratefully accepting the stick, he gingerly takes the bag from ryan's outreaching hand & shoves a piece onto the end of the thing as he discreetly takes a bite; tyler notices & pokes his calf with his foot, getting an attempt at a nasty glare thrown at him. josh rests his head on tyler's shoulder as he's passed graham crackers & chocolate, smushing them in between the marshmallows & taking a huge bite out of the middle. 

he pulls away from tyler to wipe off his mouth, but tyler sees the mess & laughs anyway. 

'you're cute,' he snickers as josh stares indignantly at the group on the floor; ryan's joined, legs pressed up to his chest nervously between brendon & debby. he seems at ease around bren, light hands on his shoulder or a whisper in his ear easing his shoulders. ryan's a tightly wound kid for whatever reason tyler knows he's not ready to be told yet, & if brendon calms him, let the kid be up against him. dallon doesn't seem to care—in fact, he's watching with interest, smiling endearingly when brendon kisses ryan's cheek lightly. 

'hm,' josh mumbles in response to tyler, gaze also directed to the group on the cement. he giggles as ryan & brendon lace their fingers together, joe sitting on his palms as debby tries to balance a beer can on her nose. 'you think they're in a queerplatonic relationship?'

uncommitedly shrugging, tyler watches them for a bit more before poorly constructing his own s'more & not being any less messy as josh was prior. josh snorts as he quickly tries to pry the mess off his lips & back into his mouth, groaning as josh cackles at his attempts. once he's finished he quickly takes the time to flick josh's thigh, making him jump in surprise but not interrupting his laugher. 

' _you're_ cute,' he taunts, absently yawning  & rubbing one eye with the palm of his fabric-covered hand. after a few more minutes outside in pleasant calmness, debby stands abruptly; ryan flinches, but brendon holding his back close to his chest eases him. 

'we're going inside,' she announces, quickly putting out the fire much to andy's dismay, since he's been standing & freezing all night. 'mattresses are out, & all i know is that if one of you gaylords decides to try something new & takes jenna from me—'

she's quickly shut down by dallon, who ruffles her hair & gives her a look. 'nobody's going to steal jenna away in the dead of night, deb,' he laughs, & is quickly followed by the parade of still damp, still cold teenagers. 

once they all close the glass doors & half-walk, half-run into the living room, josh immediately collapses on the nearest pull out; he curls into himself, pulling the sweater over his knees & twisting one of his gauges around to release some water. he's adorable. tyler really _is_ gonna die.

while dallon drags the protesting yet ice cold brendon into the shower, debby happily hums in tiredness as jenna envelops her in her arms & covers them in her favorite blanket; she'd won it at a movie premiere when she was thirteen. _barbie & the snow princess_, it reads it bright pink text overlaying a pegasus; one time joe tried teasing her about it & she promptly pushed him into the school lunch table. 

speaking of joe, he's already conked out on the carpet, since sugar & excitement has always been his vice; andy coddles him sweetly, wringing out his curls & pressing warm kisses to his forehead. while tyler observes all this & covers him & josh in a sheet, ryan bundles up in a blanket & says so quietly tyler almost doesn't catch it, 'you deserve each other.'

'huh?' still sitting up, tyler lets josh shove his face into his lap & contentedly sigh, curling up with tyler's bare legs & mumbling something about the dampness. as tyler lets him tug his trunks off & toss them across the room even though he's half-asleep, he questions, 'whaddya mean?'

pausing, as if to contemplate his words, ryan plays with the hem of the t-shirt he just threw on (brendon's, tyler realizes. it's got some church logo printed on in faded yellow letters.) & looks around debby's house, as if the answer lies in the plaster if the walls. as tyler watches him apprehensively, he swears the boy's so frail, so scrawny, he can see his paper heart beating right through his porcelain chest. 

'you two are both very broken,' he finally begins, & tyler starts to fully realize how strained & quiet ryan's voice is. it sounds like it hurts to even open his mouth. 'that boy is a tangle of worry & self-doubt, & your head is so wrapped up in keeping him safe, you forget about the lines on your skin. i do, too. it's okay.'

tyler can tell andy's listening to him speak, just because it's a rarity for him to talk this long at any given point, but tyler doesn't say anything. 'but you're both good,' ryan continues, fragile hands now moving up to brush messy bouts of brunette through his fingers. 'you just are. good friends, good students, good people. & you're in love with each other, anybody can tell. that's even better than good, because you two can fix each other. it may seem unrealistic or some cisnormative bullshit the media concocts just to draw in a range of depressed teenage consumers—' he breaks into a fit of coughs. andy's fingers tighten nervously on joe's skin. tyler's heart catches in his throat. '—but it's true. you two are fixable, you two aren't irreparable. good always fixes good. it's a fact of life.'

before tyler can properly cultivate a response, brendon's tumbling out of the bathroom & falling onto the mattress next to ryan. holding his fingers out to grab the air near him, brendon scoots back so dallon can press against him. 'don't want you freezing to death, ry,' he smiles, & all the previous tension tyler hadn't even recognized on ryan's face fades. 

as they all get situated & debby flicks out the light, jenna calls sleepily, 'good night!'

'good _night_!' brendon responds.

'mm.' josh mumbles. 

andy doesn't speak, but the glimmer of a smile he makes in the dark says enough. 

as the rest of them fade into rest, tyler stays up a bit longer just to watch josh peacefully sleep. his eyelashes flutter while he dreams, muscles twitching & lips opening & closing as drama unfolds in the soap opera of his unconscious mind. tiredly, tyler runs ryan's words through he head as he rests his lips on josh's forehead. 

'water is wet,' he murmurs, limbs falling slack as josh's grip tightens on his waist, 'the sun is hot, & good fixes good. it's just a fact of life.'

water is wet, the sun is hot, & tyler joseph, the beautiful, broken boy, sleeps.


	7. caffiene cold & i can't see shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lotta fluff, lotta kissing, lotta van gogh references, lotta yelling debby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am Gay and Alive..

the smell of coffee stirs tyler first. as his foggy mind slowly clears & dissipates to awaken him, he slowly realizes it's josh's coffee; this makes him wake significantly quicker, sitting up & blinking away the remaining bits of sleep. he sweeps his gaze around the room; everyone's still asleep except for dallon, who's got ryan & brendon curled up in his lap as he types something on his phone. darting his eyes up, he gives tyler a tiny smile before looking back down. 

standing, tyler tugs on the nearest pair of boxers & straightens out his now crumpled jacket, having slept in the thing all night. he stretches his arms out before following the enticing smell of caffeine, wincing slightly at the cold feel of the kitchen floor against the soles of his feet. 

josh's at the counter, singing softly & hoarsely to himself as he messes with the coffee machine pressed against the wall. the sweater from last night is sagging even more down his shoulder, if that's even possible; as he slumps against the tile & yawns, tyler can make out a pair of _his_ underwear tightly clad on josh. nice touch, dun, nice touch. 

moving silently, tyler only makes his presence known when he places a soft kiss on the back of josh's spine; he jumps slightly in surprise, but eases as tyler's arms wrap around his waist & he digs his face into his shoulder. 'hi,' he mumbles tiredly, & the small giggle that josh elicits is so welcome & domestic, tyler feels a sliver of normal again. 

'good morning,' josh hums, a husky tone to his tired voice, & he leans against tyler's back as he resumes kissing his sleepy skin. he turns around so he can fasten tyler's mouth to his, hands coiling around the back of his neck as he smiles into his lips; it's an easy, exhausted kiss, purple under their eyes & bones creaking awake. 

tyler pulls away slightly, & he feels his chest ache as josh's eyes remain closed; his eyelashes flutter open after a few moments, & he's grinning as if they'd just shared the best kiss of his life. 'your breath smells like shit,' he beams, eyes squinting shut in blissful contentedness, & he lets out a giggly sort of snort as tyler bumps their foreheads together. 'i still wanna kiss you. just thought you should know.'

'thanks for the heads up,' tyler grins, all crooked teeth & drawn eyebrows, & the warmth in his ribcage spreads to the tips of his fingers as josh props himself on his tip toes & rests his lips on tyler's cheek. they stand together for a while, sharing gentle & shy kisses, before the machine beeps & josh wriggles playfully out of tyler's grasp to tend to the cup. 

tyler may or may not swat his ass, & josh may or may not be hiding his blush behind a middle finger. 

they end up at the bar, josh resting on the edge of the counter while tyler leans between his legs & rests his face in josh's chest; he gets a rush of negative déjà vu, but this time, in debby's kitchen with store brand coffee on his lips & josh's body enfolding him, he knows it's different. good different. he pulls back & josh—josh gets hit with not déjà vu, but a sense of comforting familiarity: the dark eyebrows hovering above scared hazel eyes, naturally pouty lips parted minisculey to reveal the tips of chipped, crooked teeth, light scruff dotting his sharp face & making him appear a bit older than he really is. he smiles softly when he notices josh looking so intently, & the way his eyelids scrunch shut because his face can't contain the sheer happiness his oblique grin emits releases a warm, panging feeling right where josh's heart beats rapidly in his chest. 

tyler sleepily sighs, face pushing against the crook of josh's neck as his fingers trace along the expanse of tyler's back. josh smells of chlorine & melted chocolate & the pure essence of josh; of cologne & too little rest & the faint feeling of home. tyler takes in josh. he also might fall asleep a little in his hold, but who's gonna know?

'tyler? wake up, babe, hey.' josh drums his fingers against tyler's ribcage (it's prominent, he notes, but not as much as it used to be.) & kisses the top of his head. he's never been this tall, so he takes the opportunity to cover tyler's face & head with kisses, successfully awakening him in the process. 'ty, wake the frick up.'

'language.' yawning, tyler straightens & rests his palms on the smooth curves of josh's waist & his lips on his fleetingly. 'what's so important, sweetheart?'

humming in admiration, josh runs his fingers over tyler's scalp & grins as he nuzzles into his hand, not unlike josh does. 'dunno,' he shrugs, pressing another kiss against tyler's mouth. 'just missed you while you were asleep.'

'yeah?' he pulls back, much to josh's dismay, & stretches his arms up & over his head; the movement of tight skin & bone makes josh absently cross his legs. 

he hopes tyler doesn't notice. 

he does. 

a smirk tugging up his lips, tyler walks back up to josh & rests his palms on his thighs. 'been so long since i fucked you,' he mumbles absently, placing his lips on the upturn of josh's jaw & slipping his thumbs against the inside of his thighs as he spreads them apart. stepping a bit closer, tyler feels the vibration of his whimpers reverate through his skin & into his mouth, & he grins. 'i've been missing you. how's now sound?'

'nghh, upstairs, upstairs,' josh quickly pants, hands shakingly darting out to grasp his shoulders. 'they'll catch us down here.'

laughing deeply, tyler suddenly gropes josh's ass & pushes him against his hips, making his legs automatically wrap around his waist; grasping his neck with outstretched fingers & pulling his lips to his, tyler carries josh haphazardly up the stairs & around the corner to debby's bedroom. falling onto his back, josh barely catches his breath & mumbles, 'tyler,' before tyler's pouncing on top of him & draping his palms over his chest. he nibbles on his bottom lip as josh's legs spread automatically, hips rolling up into him as he winds his arms over tyler's neck & dives deeper into his mouth. he licks his lips needily, sighing in content satisfaction as tyler tugs both their underwear down & presses tight, tight, tight against him. 

'do you have, you know...?' josh breathes, gripping tyler's hair in between quivering digits as he sucks & bites at the skin of his neck. he hums in confirmation, hand reaching into debby's bedside table & dragging around until he produces an unopened bottle of lube. 

josh makes a confused face, but tyler pops up, wiggling his eyebrows & giggling, 'i brought it up last night, just in case.'

grinning, josh props up a bit to kiss tyler again, humming softly as tyler dips his hands inside his thighs & pushes them apart to get closer to him; the happy mumbling turns to a gentle moan as tyler presses his fingers against him, lingering just for a moment before prodding in. gasping lightly, josh's hands flex against tyler's skin as his eyelids flutter shut & his pupils dart around underneath; he tightens briefly, but tyler's lips on his cheek & whispering reassurances make him relax & still his hips as tyler works a second inside. 

'you're so beautiful, josh,' tyler smiles, lips moving down to his jawline & pressing hard against it. he's telling the truth, josh _is_ fucking beautiful, he'll scream it from the rooftops; his chest heaving slightly, lips forming a perfect 'o' as he rocks in sync with tyler's hand, whimpers jutting from a hoarse throat as his neck cranes  & pale hands shudder. he's the definition of pretty, the reality of gorgeousness. 'i'm so lucky, i can't believe it.'

another contented sigh filters from josh's mouth, & his jaw sets against tyler's mouth as he grins timidly. 'you—mm, you didn't win me with luck, tyjo,' he giggles, & it's goddamn music. 'you're not so bad looking y-yourself, _god_ , right there...mm, not to mention you're a r-real sweetheart when you wanna be.'

'i'm glad you fancy me so much,' tyler lightly teases, slowly dragging his fingers away & straightening up on his hands pressed next to either side of josh's shoulders as he aligns with him. 'you're kinda stuck with me for a while, i like you a helluva lot.'

'...you're stuck with me for forever,' josh whispers, eyes almost watery with emotion as he grins so wide tyler's sure he's gonna go blind. he's not so sure he cares. stooping down & connecting their mouths, he pushes josh's thighs up a smidge & presses into him; josh moans as he bottoms out, smothering most of the obscene sound in tyler's bruised lips. he sets his hips back so tyler can pull out & drag back in, & when he whispers, 'fuck, josh,' under his breath, josh swears he feels euphoria. 

it's all slow & lazy & kissing, kissing so much tyler's lips bleed & josh's hurt, but they couldn't give a shit if they tried. they rock together softly, lips never leaving the other's as josh's legs hitch up farther around tyler's waist & tyler hits in at a different angle; josh mewls out, darting his tongue against tyler's as the sound hits tyler's beaten-up mouth. 

after a while of silence & fucking josh into the mattress & touching, josh pulls breathlessly away, face flush & grinning hugely. 'i'm so fucking happy, tyler,' he whispers, voice cracking as he bites back a whimper at tyler's movements. 'i didn't think it was possible to be this happy, but—but you changed mind. f-fuck, i love you.'

tyler just looks at him for a fleeting moment, lips parting slightly in shocked admiration; he begins to thrust faster, making josh cry out before he kisses him roughly & swallows the sound. 'you are my happiness, josh,' he murmurs, body pressing so close to josh's neither can tell themselves apart, like swirled paint on a canvas or the slit in the blinds where sunlight pours in & hits the floor elegantly. 'i am so, so in love with you. i could say it every second of every day & it— _ah_ , ah. & it'd never be enough. n-never. you are everything.'

josh's jaw drops as if he's about to respond, or maybe cry, or maybe both; instead, he quietly moans as suddenly his hips stutter & he comes in between them, lips moving even quicker up to tyler's as he keeps going. a few more thrusts & tyler's back is arching as he mumbles, 'oh, christ, josh—' before he comes with a shaky gasp, collapsing onto josh's chest & messily moving as josh runs his violently quivering fingers down his spine. 

after a fleeting moment, tyler goes to ease out, but josh's fingers on the back of his neck stop him. 'can, uh—can you. can you stay? for a second, is all.'

tyler answers with a soft kiss on his shoulder, & they stay like that for a minute; josh feels a sense of nirvana flow through him as tyler breathes him in, breathes in the sweat & the sex & the early morning love seeping from his bones. after another kiss josh leaves on his lips, he nudges him so he pulls out, eliciting a tiny hiss to leave josh's throat; but he flops down next to him, grabbing questionable tissues from the floor & wiping them both off. 

after tossing them back to the musty carpet, tyler smiles, exhausted, as josh bundles tightly into his chest & kisses all over his neck & face. 'i meant it,' he softly speaks after a moment, wriggling up to peer into tyler's eyes. 'about being happier? um...you know, you know in art class, when we learned van gogh ate yellow paint to put the happiness inside him? you're—you're my yellow paint, tyler. if that makes any sense.'

sleepy face bursting into a shy yet excitable grin, tyler tangles their legs under the sheets & peppers his pale features with kisses. 'you're my starry night,' he whispers, as if sharing a earth-shattering secret. 'you're my sunflowers, you're my poet's garden. you're my muse.'

'oh, god, tyler.' hot tears brim at josh's eyelids but he blinks them back, capturing tyler's shoulders & yanking him into his lips. they meld together once more, not quite passionate enough to rile them again but deep enough to steal their breath & make them crave each other once more. tyler's hands explore josh's waist while josh's run through tyler's choppy hair, over & over, as the kiss deepens & tyler leans over josh's side a bit to kiss him harder, smiling as the latter begins humming joyously into his lips & pulling him closer—

knock, knock, knock. 

' _did you two just have sex on my bed?!_ '


	8. early morning company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically, josh is sleepy & hungover & confused, & goes on an adventure to find a place to pee, an unexpected companion, & his boy tyjo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weird _skins_ -esque filler chapter sorry its 5 am i havent slept at all next chapter shit hits the fan so!!!! :)))

josh jolts awake in a confused haze. 

last thing he remembers is yesterday—he & everybody else decided to house hop until a party down the street had started; then they traversed from joint to joint (literally, in some cases), getting steadily drunker &, now, memories growing blurrier. 

now josh's lying naked in some unknown living room with cum on his legs & someone's vomit precariously close to his face. 

he goes to sit up quickly, but his head spins so fast he falls again, luckily in the opposite direction of the puke. instead, he lands on someone's back, making them twitch but not awaken. after further inspection josh confirms that it's andy, hair in an uncharacterized tangle & usually removed labret piercing bobbing up & down as he peacefully sleeps. he must be the only one who stayed sober last night, so he's probably having swell dreams about saving the whales & fucking joe. or maybe the other way around. 

taking a few comforting breaths & calming himself, josh, slowly this time, sits up on the carpet & patiently allows his vision to clear; once it does, he finds he still has no idea where he is. a few other unrecognizable bodies pile in the corner, asleep & naked, much to josh's unwelcome discovery. his gaze flickers back to his dirty hand, & his nose scrunches up as he feebly tries to rub it off on his leg. 

when he tries, however, he suddenly stops as his eyes blow wide. 

written in perfectly sharpied calligraphy on the inside of josh's thigh is _daddy's little bitch_.

he blinks lazily for a moment, yawning as he tries to process the words. the handwriting's obviously tyler's, so that's a comfort; he just wonders how, exactly, he & tyler's lightweight asses managed to get wasted & have endlessly kinky sex in the same night. if his brain were any more than a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal at this point, maybe he'd know. 

after a few more minutes of pointless self-reflection & feeling awestruck by the weird feeling his hand gets as he stretches his cum-covered fingers out, josh decides his head's okay enough to permit him to stand. resting his palms on the carpet, he agonizingly slowly lifts himself up & wobbles on weak legs; he hesitates a second, then takes a single step. then another. then another. he feels like the first caveman, stumbling out from the cave & trying to not add to the puddle of barf on the ground. 

he attempts to find the bathroom first. he stumbles down stained hallway floors & props himself up against ugly wallpaper, walking precariously over unconscious people & trying not to wince as the air continuously hits his dick. he briefly wonders where he underwear is, but gets distracted when he finds a door swung open & leading to a sink. 

sighing in relief, he strides in & quietly shuts the door, shoving his hands under the sink & prying the dried sheets of cum off his palms. he looks down at the three words inscribed on his skin & decides not to wipe it off. _a souvenir,_ he thinks, scrubbing his fingers with the nearest washcloth  & splashing water in his exhausted, flushed face. 

'you're joshua, right?'

yelping, josh skitters back from the running faucet & looks fearfully around; his eyes finally settle on the tub, which all of a sudden is full of water & contains a person. a naked person, mind you, while josh is also naked. he's naked with another naked person who isn't tyler, & he's about to make a point about how uncomfortable that makes him before the person looks up again, a widespread grin falling onto their chubby features. 

'don't be shy. you look great, if that helps.'

squeaking in embarrassment, josh looks away & desperately tries to step back; a piece of cloth thrown at his feet stops him, however. 'they're clean,' the person announces, placing the cigarette they've been balancing in their index & middle fingers in between their teeth. 'they might be a bit big, but they're better than standing there all anxious.'

josh rapidly tugs the boxers on, sighing in alleviation as he finds them to be a bit large but sufficiently covering him. he allows himself a glance back at the tub person; they're thankfully looking away, watching water droplets cascade down the wall with curious blue eyes as his dripping black hair frames his face. josh's hit with a flood of recognition, having seen photos of this kid plastered on the walls of the art room. 

'are you gerard?' he questions lightly, scrubbing the water off of his face with the backs of his hands. tub person pokes the end of their cigarette in josh's direction, a knowing smile plastered on their features. 

'i asked first,' they chuckle, taking another hit & blowing it above them to swirl out of the cracked bathroom window. josh watches it dissipate into the air before leaning against the wooden door, playing with his downright filthy hair; he feels something cold & wet at the base of his scalp, & his brain supplies booze before he looks back up to tub person. 

'yeah, that's me,' he says carefully, arms stretching above his head as he adjusts further to the piercing bathroom light. 'now answer mine.'

tub person downright giggles, combing their hair behind their ears & fixing josh with glittering eyes. 'was it really a question?' they muse, resting the cigarette in their mouth as they reach behind them & tie up their hair with a rubber band josh hadn't noticed before. 'i think you know i'm gerard. therefore, it's not a question you need answered, but a mere suggestion of a fact we're both aware of, no?'

'uh.' eyebrows furrowing, josh fails to compress gerard's way-too-early poetic talk & shrugs uncommitedly, hiking the underwear up higher on his hips. 'maybe?' 

a flicker of another smirk turns up gerard's mouth, & they pull their knees to their chest as josh mentally decides he's gotta go, right now, effective immediately. gerard seems cool, they really do, but his head hurts too badly to be speaking to someone who talks like morrissey writes. 'then, yes,' gerard quips, taking a second to blow smoke rings out into the air, temporarily impressing josh & making him hesitate. 'i am gerard. the core identity of me, gerard way, splayed out for the world & one joshua dun to see. if bedussey could see me now, oh, how the clouds would part & the sun would split through the sky like a javelin in the heart. mikey, i can feel you smiling down upon me.'

'um.' scratching the back of his neck, josh cocks his head to the side & kicks at his ankles. 'is mikey a poet?'

a small snort leaves gerard's nose, & the weird ungracefulness of the action startles josh. 'he wishes,' they laugh, swirling a bubble floating up from the water around their hand. 'he's my brother. i say smiling down upon me because he's rather tall.'

josh can't help but snigger, a hint of the awkwardness leaving as gerard joins in. after a moment, josh straightens & gives a tiny smile to them. 'i have to go find my boyfriend,' he starts, but gerard waves him away. 

'the beloved tyler,' they swoon, & josh would feel a pang of jealousy if he hadn't known gerard talks about everyone that way. 'the lanky, lean skeleton boy with cheekbones sharp as the knives he throws at his own insecurities & words that seem rushed & quick but simply barricade him behind a wall of emotional turmoil he coaxes into lyrics he never shares; except for with his wondrous, darling josh. last time i saw him he was doing jello shots on the fridge, so i can't help you there.'

'holy shit,' josh breathes, but gerard shakes him off again & beckons to the door. josh feels oddly inclined to bow, but he doesn't; he grins & waves & exits, leaving the door cracked open once more & venturing off to the kitchen. 

the fridge is void of both tyler & alcohol, much to josh's chagrin; he steps over the red-headed girl who could either be debby or that underclassman hayley, but josh doesn't have it in him to check. he laughs giddily as he finds a small carton of milk, downing the whole thing before desperately realizing he needs to pee. like, now. but the bathroom's got gerard, america's next top genderqueer, lounging in the tub like some degas painting, & josh has no plans on showing that dude his cock again anytime soon. 

rubbing his eyes as a sudden wave of drowsiness hits him, josh licks his lips a few times before shuffling out of the room again. whoever's house this is must be loaded, since the rooms are so large & so many expensive things seem to be broken. cool. he pokes his head in a few rooms to scout out tyler: there's another bathroom, which he gratefully uses; then a bedroom with brendon & dallon curled up on & ryan smushed in between them, that sarah kid from world history conked out on the foot of the mattress; an office with cum & other questionable fluids on a desk where a blanketed joe curls up, head resting on his written-on arms; jenna's ducktaped to the floor of the game room, & josh smartly decides not to touch that with a ten-foot pole. 

& then, finally, after nearly five minutes of restless traversing through the rich stranger's house, josh finds tyler. he's in another bedroom, naked & spread-eagle on the mattress with his features lax & limbs twitching. he looks so peaceful (& maybe a bit stupid) josh nearly doesn't approach him; but he suddenly realizes how cold & in desperate need of cuddles he is, & he promptly jogs over & nestles in the covers next to him. 

it takes a few minutes for tyler to wake, but when he does, he groans loudly; running his hands through his hair, he yawns & violently shives as the air hits him. diving under the sheets, he quickly notices josh, who's only got his eyes poking out from the blankets. 

'hi, tyler,' he giggles, & the grin that breaks onto tyler's face could heal broken bones, melt headaches & call them home. jesus christ, josh's starting to sound like gerard. or ryan. maybe ryan. 

'hi,' tyler greets softly, face twisted in pain but still leaning over & kissing josh gently. 'i feel like shit & my mind's at a loss about where the hell we are.'

'welcome to the club,' josh shrugs, nuzzling into tyler's chest as he eases into the mattress. 'i think i'm gonna try to sleep. i've witnessed too much this morning.'

tyler makes as interested yet strained noise, petting josh's hair & closing his eyes to block the bright sunlight streaming through the blinds. 'like what?' he hums, suddenly feeling worn-out. 

'i met a kid named gerard in a bathtub, something about me being your bitch is written on my leg, there's still kinda an overload of cum on my body, & a girl is taped to the floor in the other room.' sleepily sighing, josh laughs as tyler makes a surprised gasp. 

'...wait, what about you being my bitch?' he smugly starts, & josh whacks his thigh under the covers. pressing closer to him, josh can smell a hint of vodka on his skin & something an odd mix of sex & sadness he doesn't wanna ask about. 

'i thought that was redundant,' josh laughs aloud, seeping into the mattress. 'it's in the...what does gerard say? _the core of my identity_ , to be your bitch.'

humming in approval, tyler sits up, resulting in a dejected whine from josh. 'i have to a pee,' tyler elaborates, wriggling free from the covers & practically collapsing onto the carpet. as he stumbles into the bathroom, josh snuggles deeper into the blankets & begins to hum the opening song to _pulp fiction_. he thinks it's by the black eyed peas. dust floats through the sunbeams in the window as his head pounds in time with his heart, a steady  & aching _thud, thud, thud_.

'come have breakfast with me.' tyler's suddenly in front of josh's face, tugging the covers away; he groans mid-note, rolling around on the bed before sighing & groggily rising up, fighting a smile at tyler's tiny cheer. 

'you're lucky i love you,' he grumbles, & tyler beams as he pulls josh over & kisses him gently, tongue sneakily darting out & dragging over his bottom lip. 

'i know,' he quips, threading their fingers together as he leads josh out into the populous hallway. 'i'm gonna make you a screwdriver. that's orange juice & vodka.'

&, although josh is still wondering where they are & what day it is & how much they drank & if debby's still asleep & if jenna is still taped, he nods excitedly & runs after tyler's sprinting frame, even as he migraine grows more painful. 

andy shifts on the floor. joe twitches & dreams of snoop dogg & the cast of bewitched. gerard takes a slow, solid drag & smiles tiredly to himself. 

life moves on.


	9. i know you need it, do you feel it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh just wants to know a secret. tyler's got other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story Lives

“tell me a secret.”

tyler blinks, slow and dizzy and deliciously unfocused, willing his foggy eyes to rotate in his skull to focus on josh. they’re lying on tyler’s stained carpet, shrouded in records they tried to organize and clothes josh tried to steal; most of them were too big for him, but he proudly shoved them on his curvy frame and dissolved into the soft fabric of tyler. he’s curled parallel to tyler on the floor, doe eyes half-lidded and bloodshot as he lazily wipes the brownie crumbs from his soft lips. tyler briefly forgets where he is in space and time, simply wishing to dive into josh’s mouth and completely lose himself there. 

“...what?” he eventually mumbles, blinking a few times and gathering josh’s otherwise lost attention, which is now gartered onto a loose thread on his jeans. he’s gained a little weight, which not only relieves tyler, but excites him. josh has been getting steadily better over the past few weeks; already a month since what he’s taken to calling _the parking lot incident_ and he’s been taking his medication and eating regularly. discreetly, tyler lets his palm migrate from being smushed under his thigh to burrow under josh’s (tyler’s) sweater and engulf the small swell of tummy pushing over the front of josh’s belt. “what, pretty baby?”

giggling, josh shifts himself from his lax position to scoot closer to tyler, even daring to press their noses together and stick his tongue out to brush against tyler’s lips. eyes blowing wide in surprise, tyler mock-hisses before pressing his pouty mouth to josh’s, lanky legs twisting in an almost shy manner with josh’s. dragging his lips to tyler’s jaw, josh rests his fingers underneath his loose t-shirt and finally whispers, “i said, tell me a secret.”

humming softly, tyler rubs his thumbs over josh’s hipbones and kisses him again, looping his tongue around josh’s and taking in his small moans of contentment. “i got nasty secrets,” he murmurs, reaching the hand crammed under his ribs to secure the pipe laying abandoned by josh’s unwashed curls. “secrets nobody knows, secrets you’ll be scared of.”

josh, who’s still biting at the round flesh of tyler’s cheek and gliding his tongue over the stubble dotting his soft jawline, peers nonplussed at tyler’s eyes through furrowed brows. his hips wedge themselves halfway over tyler’s in a sudden, brave movement of quickness, and he uses the slight distraction on tyler’s disgruntled, blotchy face to drag his stubby fingernails across his chest and press his thumbs firmly to tyler’s nipples. “i could eat you out instead, ‘course,” he murmurs, grinning wider as tyler captures josh’s chapped bottom lip in his crooked teeth and twists the soft skin; immediately after, he takes a slow, sweet hit off the pipe before securing it back in the course carpet behind josh and pressing their foreheads together. 

“how ‘bout a compromise?” he purrs, his breath hitching as josh’s fingers begin rubbing in a circular pattern against his areolas. “i tell you a deep, dark secret _while_ you eat me out.”

humming lightly, as if considering this proposal, josh buries his face into the sweaty heat of tyler’s neck and laps at the veins tangled to his collarbone. “sounds fair,” he reasons, pushing down harshly on tyler’s chest for a moment before unlatching himself from tyler’s torso and shambling down to his thighs. tyler slumps against the floor and sighs gently as josh shoves his stubby fingers in between tyler’s hips and his belt, prying his jeans off without much thought to undoing the buttons. tyler’s briefs cling to his thighs with slick sweat, and josh takes his time licking up the hot beads; his index staggers over the outline of tyler’s half-chub, and he grumbles as he notices tyler’s lazy shifting. “it takes you so _long_ to get hard when you’re stoned. tell me a fuckin’ secret already.”

giggling maniacally, tyler sucks on the tip of his tongue as josh presses his face against his clothed cock and pouts cutely. “okay, fine,” he relents, rolling his hips up in an attempt to move josh along. “secrets, secrets—okay. secret number one: i hate my parents."

gasping in mock-surprise, josh lets his palm graze over tyler’s steadily growing hard-on. “you don’t,” he whispers with wide, bloodshot eyes, lips parting to both make fun of tyler and to press against his tip. tyler makes an impatient noise in the back of his throat, fingers pushing against his sweltering skin to drag themselves into josh’s curly, frizzy hair. “i’m appalled, tyler. simply shocked.” 

“don’t be a smartass,” tyler whines, head lolling forwards so his chin can press to his chest as he stares at josh; with wonder or with annoyance, neither can tell through the fog fluttering past their frontal lobes. “you tell me one.”

grumbling incoherently, yet with an easy smile tugging up the corners of his lips, josh struggles only temporarily to shimmy tyler’s underwear off before taking a solid, yet giggly, grip of his shaft. “ionno if i can beat yours,” he hums, pressing the warmth of his face against tyler’s dick as he peppers the side with chaste kisses. letting out a soft whimper, tyler’s shoulders relax as he slumps against the carpet and bites his bottom lip raw. josh’s tongue presses to the head as he imitates a pondering face. “alright. my secret, my ultimate, best, mad dirty secret: i like being called princess.”

tyler’s strained features ease into a glowy beam, and josh has to advert his gaze to tyler’s pelvis to avoid turning scarlet at his delight. “princess?” he repeats gleefully, and even the mention of the word makes the hair on josh’s legs stand up. damn you, tyler joseph. “that’s so precious. can’t believe your tongue’s about to be in my asshole.”

snorting deliriously, josh eases his neck until his head is resting against the sticky inside of tyler’s thigh, letting his lips press and part against his balls; this makes tyler’s smugness evaporate into euphoria, letting out tiny gasps as josh’s thumb runs delicately over the taunt skin. “me neither,” he manages to mumble after a while, teeth slightly showing in a lovesick smile as he swallows around the base of tyler’s cock, offhandedly stroking his hips as he lets out another broken whine. “betcha taste sweet.”

“see for yourself,” tyler murmurs absently, hands coaxing over josh’s scalp to draw contented sighs from his lips. taking the invitation with stride, josh traces his index finger across the valleys and bumps of tyler’s skin to press against his mouth; he sucks on them almost docily, eyelashes fluttering as his free hand strokes itself across tyler’s balls once more. losing himself in the buzziness of his head and the way josh’s digits easily disappear into his throat, tyler lazily grips his cock with the hand not clenched in josh’s locks and rubs circles against his slick slit. 

as tyler lets out a shaky breath at the contact, josh opens his heavy-lidded eyes to watch as his middle finger presses shallowly to tyler’s hole. he coaxes the tip around the rim, smiling sleepily at tyler’s wanton moan, before slipping it delicately inside; awe fills his chest as tyler takes it, his entrance adapting to josh’s intrusion like it’s meant to be there. moving in until he reaches his knuckle, he glances up briefly to see tyler’s cheeks dusted with a soft peach color. his right hand grips his aching cock with a purpose as the other reassuringly latches into josh’s mop once more, tongue running over his bottom lip. josh thinks this may be home. 

curling his finger a ways as he rotates his wrist, josh laps at the translucent drops of precum falling onto tyler’s thumb. he sucks at it with a sort of reverence, meeting tyler’s wobbly pupils as he adjusts his finger back to the tip, then drives it back in. tyler trembles, inhaling shortly as josh stoops his face down to suck at his middle finger again before adding it to the first. the intake of a painful breath indicates the suddenness of the move, but josh kisses around tyler’s hole before he feels his muscles ease. he pumps them softly, admiring how tyler can somehow relax his own nerves to allow josh to touch him. 

after a peaceful few minutes of exploring a space josh knows so well, he slips his fingers out with a whispered word of praise; tyler cracks open his squinted eyes to shyly smile down at josh, hips bucking down against his mouth as his palm slides down to his base. “should i tell another secret?” he whispers, and josh presses his lips to his perineum in a loving sort of approval. “alright. secret two: i think god is real.”

blinking in decent surprise, josh latches his tongue to the outside of tyler’s spit-soaked entrance as his thumbs coax over the ever-faint stretch marks lining his waist. “how come?” he coos, fighting the slight resistence his tongue is faced with as he pushes it in. 

before he can answer, tyler groans lowly as josh’s tongue slides it’s way entirely inside him; josh twists it slightly, tip wiggling around the wet heat in search for his sweet spot as it begins to thrust. “‘cause,” tyler attempts to start, breath catching in his throat as his hand begins to match josh’s movements to a rhythm. “shit. ‘cause ion’t think being with—with you is an accident. i think we’re meant to be together. god, right _there_ , joshie.”

giggling in discovery, josh licks against the bundle of nerves deep inside tyler as his index finger somehow finds it’s way next to his tongue. all words die in tyler’s esophagus as he ruts down against that holy wetness of a tongue, hand wrapped around himself now tensing next to the other in josh’s hair. his soft hums and purrs reverberate throughout tyler’s body, making him twitch unexpectedly; his head buzzes louder, but deliciously so, and he’s not sure if he’s real anymore. 

“josh,” he chokes, tugging up on josh’s curls until he begrudgingly removes his mouth and props up on his palms. he has to buck against the edge of the mattress as he sees tyler, shaking and flushed and desperate; his hand quickly shoves into his boxers to grip his dick, refusing himself an easy relief. “fuck me.”

eye lighting up, josh lets his fingers scale up tyler’s waist to rest by his shoulders, hosting his body upwards so their chests are pressed together. “really?” he giggles in the joy only a submissive switch can, and tyler’s mixed look of fondness and annoyance only make him laugh harder. 

“this is just a one time thing, hotshot,” tyler snorts, hand creeping up his hips to resume jacking himself off. “get on with it before i change my mind, yeah?”

beaming, josh nods profusely as he sits back on his haunches to grab for his jeans; when he locates them, he proudly yanks out a wrapped condom before ripping it open and languidly slipping it on. tyler resists the urge to tell him to hurry up as josh works his cock for a moment, jaw dropping in ecstasy as his wrists flicks a few times. when he’s deemed himself covered with enough spit, he slumps back atop tyler with a honk of a laugh as his hands grip tyler’s thighs tightly to push them to his torso. pressing to him, josh savors the tiny intake of breath on tyler’s side before slowly moving in, eyes widening at the sudden tightness enveloping him. 

“shit, fuck, _josh_ ," tyler’s already mumbling, sucking on his finger again as josh bottoms out. vocalizing softly, he watches josh’s face contort in pure pleasure, breathing hard as he tries to regain his composure. once relaxed, he swallows thickly as he presses their foreheads together, not breaking eye contact as he slowly backs out, then slams into him again. “s’good, baby. doing really good.”

this sends trembles down josh’s spine as he moans softly, flushed face falling into tyler’s neck as he tries to keep his composure. the praise makes his hips jolt, sending his cock to barely brush against tyler’s prostate; he whines lewdly, fingering his matted hair out of his eyes as his hands wander all over josh’s chubby, shaky body. he doesn’t even have to ask before josh’s searching the spot out again, rolling his hips a few times before driving in exactly right. moaning into josh’s hair, tyler lets out a quiet stream of curses and hums as josh hits the bundle over and over, finally regaining enough composure to snake a hand in between their sweaty, sliding bodies to grip tyler’s dick. 

“i think i believe in god, too,” josh manages to choke out, thrusts becoming discordant and sloppy. “i hear him in your noises.”

before tyler can process this statement, josh’s thumb begins to rub circles against his slit, and that paired with his messy bucks inside him is enough to send his spine straightening as he shoots all over himself and josh. he’s fucked senseless throughout his orgasm, vision swimming with the pot and josh’s mewls as he hits in a few more times before cumming; the sleepy silence that follows after is enough to tug tyler’s lips up in a contented smile. “i take it back.”

“hm?” josh prods tiredly, reluctant to pull out as he scootches back a bit to slip the condom off. as he ties it haphazardly and tosses it near the wastebasket, he can feel tyler’s soft, hazel eyes watching his frame move, and, somehow, he welcomes it. 

he flops atop tyler’s chest lazily, sticky and damp skin clinging to each other as tyler presses his warm mouth to josh’s cheek. “i take back what i said,” he repeats, palms migrating to comfortably squeeze josh’s fat ass. “about this bein’ a one time thing. your dick game’s better than expected, honey.”

giggling maniacally, josh bites his bottom lip in accustomed shyness as he burrows his face into tyler’s shoulder. “s’long as you bring the weed, i’m up for anything,” he half-jokes, squealing in glee as tyler smacks his thigh. 

dark red lines and bad medicine have no power here.


End file.
